The topic, which will be discussed today, is very delicate, because it touches the intimate sphere of our life. When it concerns a particular person, it is difficult for him to talk about it himself. Therefore, we invited the doctor of a sexologist, urologist, psychotherapist Adrian Sadovnik to ask him the most frequently asked questions in our readers’ letters and on Internet forums about how to help a couple in a situation where a man is impotent and what steps can be taken in this case woman.

Mr. Gardener, can you please answer our main question: can a woman help her partner with something if he is impotent?

First of all, I note that the term “impotence”, which translates as “impotence”, has long been replaced by the term “erectile dysfunction” or “erectile dysfunction” in international practice. Although this does not change the essence of the matter, nevertheless, I would like to clarify this. As for your question, then, answering briefly, I will say: “Yes, maybe in the overwhelming majority of cases.” But I would like to give a more detailed answer.

So, first a little about men. Once the diagnosis of “impotence” was put almost all those of them who consulted a doctor with complaints about a decrease in the duration and strength of an erection. But as has been proved by many years of practice, most men have an erection, but its strength is not enough to conduct a normal sexual intercourse. Therefore, today the term “erectile dysfunction” or “erectile dysfunction” is used, and impotence is considered to be an extreme degree of these disorders.

Still I will note that the modern statistics show that for physiological reasons, problems with erection are rare. And for the vast majority of men, more than 70%, these problems are psychological, and just in these cases, the role of women is huge, because the main reason for such violations is the man’s insecurity in his abilities. And the confidence or insecurity of a man is mostly obtained from a woman who is next to him. So you can even say that the restoration of a man depends to a great extent on a woman, she can not just help him – everything is in her hands.

Well, do not tell! Even if a woman wants to help, she does not always get it. I can tell a short story from one of the letters that came to us. In a married couple, sex life was not very stormy, and gradually, when the couple was under 40, at all went “to no.” And, it happened because of the fact that her husband at some point “began to get worse”, and he eventually abandoned sex completely.

My wife, as soon as she noticed the problem, and so, and she hinted to her husband that it would be nice to see a doctor. In addition, throughout the whole time the spouse tried herself, by all available means, to stimulate the man: romantic evenings, sexual games, erotic dances and underwear, etc. etc. For all her efforts the husband answered her that “today he has no mood”, “he is tired”, etc. He categorically refused to go to the doctor, since he believed that there was no problem at all, and all this was nonsense and women’s whims. The woman did everything that depended on her, but … for ten years the spouse simply ignored her requests, and, after all, she had to look for a partner on the side. What do you say to that? The woman did everything that depended on her, and until the man did not get through.

Each person, each pair, each situation is individual. To determine in absentia why the events developed so problematically. But let’s try to understand your story.

Firstly, there are really such men who are literally impenetrable and do not consider that they have violations in this sphere. But, probably, if a normal relationship in a pair can still come to a consensus, and if it is not possible to negotiate, then the problems are most likely not only in bed, but in relations in general.

Think about why it was impossible for a man from your history to “get through”? It can be assumed that at the initial stage, when the problem only began to manifest itself, the wife made some mistake: a hint that hurt him, a mockery, etc., and he closed, and then the problem became more and more aggravated.

Secondly, for men as well as for women, there are “climaxes” that manifest themselves in their own way, we will not go into details. Just note that one of them, the early one, falls within the age range from 35-37 to 45-48 years (the speech in the letter is just about people of this age). During this period, the level of testosterone in a man and the libido is somewhat reduced and his behavior in bed can change slightly, he may slightly cool to a partner. This is a natural process, and if a woman at this time will overemphasize attention to changing the behavior of a partner, more than to talk about it, constantly find out the relationship, a man can close and act directly opposite her requests. Perhaps, there was such a development of events.